Being brave today...

In a moment of bravery this morning (and out of the desire to be more authentic) I'm coming out of the closet with this blog. I've changed this from an "anonymous" blog to "the real me" blog.

Yes, I have over 100 pounds to lose. And I'm 1/10 of the way there. It's a long process. It's a slow process.

And today's inspiration...

"Slow and steady wins the race." - Aesop, The Hare and The Tortoise


I take you back to what I posted at the beginning of this journey: Confession time

I completely understand this journey is a long process. It may take over two years to reach my goal weight. Maybe longer...


But it will take a lifetime to live my new life... it's worth it!

One little pet-peeve...

I'm rather annoyed by the people who complain about their special food diet ... "Oh, I'm not allowed to eat THAT. I have to eat THIS scrumptious bran muffin.", as she rolls her eyes.




Why are they complaining about it?! Didn't they decide to pay for this weight loss plan?! Didn't they decide to buy the plan's over-priced food?!

To all the diet-complainers: I don't feel sorry for you. That was your decision. Get on board and do it - but don't complain to me.


Please.


And wouldn't it be easier if you had a positive attitude about it?!


Decide to succeed and it won't be a burden.

What is patellofemoral arthritis?

After years of pain, and avoiding many things in life because of it, my orthopedic specialist has discovered that I have Patellofemoral arthritis.

Which means: I have no cartilage in my right knee.

I remember first hurting my knee at winter camp when I was in high school. I was running up stairs to get something... and POW! Something popped... and I have had pain off/on ever since. But I also decided to play softball in high school, college and in my early twenties... and I usually got put in the catchers' position. Yup - really great on the knee!

And I also played volleyball throughout high school... yup, another great sport for the knee.

One could guess that I'd be in this position in my mid-30s... and here I am.


I can barely kneel down to scrub the tub. And getting up off the floor is no longer graceful. I can only barely walk up and down stairs... and going down the stairs is more scary than going up. So, I simply avoid it altogether.

Sometimes the pain is excruciating. Sometimes it's just a dull pain... but the pain is always there.

After years of Dr's visits (my general practioner) where he just prescribed pain medication (which I usually just stuck at the back of the drawer), followed by a cortisone shot (that worked great at first and then wore off at about month 4)... I finally pleaded with him to send me to a specialist.

They took an x-ray. I had an exam... where he guessed what was going on. Then he ordered an MRI (which I hated - more on that later). And he had been right with his initial guess. I don't have any ligament or meniscus damage... but neither do I have any cartilage to speak of.


So, now what? Well, until the wise people of this world figure out how to recreate cartilage there's not a lot you can do. He suggested against knee replacement (at y weight it's not an ideal solution) - and from the sounds of it he doesn't like doing knee replacement surgeries on people under 60. Apparently the man-made joint wears out after about 10 years and it has to be replaced. Which means another replacement surgery.. ick!

I could have a patellectomy... which means, remove the knee cap. But that limits motion and range... NO THANKS! I can continue to manage the pain just fine, thank you!

He also explained that when I have a pain "flare up" I can come in for an injection that will help with lubricating the joint. That will eventually wear off... and then I can get another injection when needed.


So, now what?

Now I continue to lose weight... he confirmed this should be one of my first steps. And he provided safe exercises that will limit more damage to my knees.

Now I twist my husband's arm to do the cleaning that involves kneeling.

Now we think about our housing situation. He advised against living in a multi-level place. We are currently selling our place and looking at new homes (to potentially buy)... multi-level homes may be out of the equation.

Now I take 2 naproxen twice a day and keep an ice pack with me at work for after my morning rides.


And this morning... I rode nearly half a marathon. 11.7 miles in 45 minutes. I set the bike on a random hill setting, range in workout level from 1 - 14. (Can you still call it a "marathon" if you are riding?! Or only when you run?! 'Cuz I wouldn't be able to run it... )


And now... off I go for my second dose of naproxen...

closing in on 300 pounds

Confession time


Here it is... the good, the bad and the ugly...
Why hide it? Everyone sees it already...

I am generally a confident person...
But in this confession you'll read some things
I've kept a secret for a long time...

What you're about to read isn't pretty...
It's rather embarrassing...
But it's authentic me...
It's the whole enchilada...
It's me being real with you...
(and more importantly, myself!)


My belly sticks out farther than my 40C cups
Each thigh measures just over 33 inches around!

I wear size 24 pants and 3x tops.
My ankles are bloated and my thighs look like lard.
I never wear skirts because of my fat knees, calves and feet.
I don't wear tank tops in public - my biceps are blubber.

I do not like to kneel down on the ground.
It is too difficult to get back up.
(Plus, I have bad knees - from high school injuries...
but my weight doesn't help it either.)

My body temperature is always hot.
I plan to get places early so I can cool down before I see anyone.

So much of my day is planned around my weight.
I want to change that.
I want to plan my day around living!


I want to go for a hike with my friends.
I want to chase after my nieces and nephews.
I want to sit in a chair without worrying about the semi-permanent marks on my hips/thighs from the arm rests.

I want to stand up straight with pride.
I want to have better blood pressure and cholesterol readings.
I want to be healthier!


I WILL do this!
I WILL become healthier!

I will make better decisions for myself.
I will do the splits again.


Ready or not... here I go!